Eve's Garden Views

Rebecca Chalker, is the author of The Clitoral Truth: The Secret World At Your Fingertips.

Many women report that sex changes after menopause, and many, even doctors, believe that the changes are all negative. Due to the dearth of reliable research, compounded by tales of frustration and woe from patients, many doctors lack the information and resources to provide adequate support. But don’t believe what you hear: there are abundant solutions to help you keep sex vibrant, comfortable and rewarding.

Sex, Lies, and Menopause
There’s a rumor going around that sex takes a downhill slide or worse, crashes like an Alpine avalanche after menopause. On the flip side, an equally insidious golden-years myth, heavily promoted by TV ads for erection drugs, portrays post-menopausal women always ready for intercourse whenever her partner drops a pill. “You can do a double-take on that one,” one woman responds.

Sex therapists and researchers vigorously question these equally unrealistic projections — of a bleak sexual desert or a pharmaceutical Niagra— and have identified a host of realistic strategies for maintaining and enhancing sex after menopause.

The Sisterhood of the Dry Vagina
By far the most common physical problem that women report in their post-reproductive years is dyspareunia—pain or discomfort after the insertion of fingers or sex toys into the vagina or especially after intercourse. Truth be told: reduced levels of estrogen and progesterone do result in less natural lubrication that can cause scary bleeding, tightening of the vaginal opening, and even—quell horror!—vagina shrinkage, that can make intercourse or use of sex toys something akin to torture.

The Use-It-or-Lose-It Factor: Many women report that regular sex, either with a partner, through masturbation, or ideally, a combination of the two, definitely helps keep vaginal tissues more supple and moist. Extended sex play before insertion is always helpful for heightened pleasure, even if discomfort isn’t severe. And liberal use of a water-soluble lubricant is often enough to make intercourse more comfortable. Having intercourse after a long time or even a few weeks break can be exquisitely painful, but don’t think sex is over. If the pre-menopausal vagina can expand to allow the passage of a baby, trust me, it can certainly stretch to meet the requirements of intercourse, vibrators or dildos later in life. You just need to work up to it. Over a few weeks or longer, depending on how dedicated you are, the vaginal opening can be comfortably and safely stretched with a set of graduated vaginal dilators that are available without a prescription over the internet or at medical supply stores. These dilators are routinely recommended by doctors for women who have had vaginal surgery, radiation for cancer, or other conditions—and they work! Other options include the liberal application of a lubricant and successively larger vibrators, dildos or even blunt household objects.

Some women report that a small amount of low-dose estrogen cream (Estrace, Estring, and Vagifem for example), applied at the opening and inside of the vagina prior to intercourse is helpful. Others apply the cream daily for a few weeks, then twice a week or as needed afterward. The estrogen in these creams is the same in hormone replacement, but a much smaller dose, and far less is absorbed into your system, so the risks attributed to hormone replacement are assumed to be greatly reduced. Warning! Do not use estrogen creams as a substitute for lubricants. Hormones are absorbed by the penis and in extreme cases may cause your partner to develop painful breast enlargement. Alternatively, daily use of Replens®, a non-hormonal over-the-counter lubricant, may provide sufficient relief.

Channeling Desire When You Have the Proverbial Headache
After menopause, many women report that it takes longer to become sufficiently aroused to respond to their partners’ sexual cues and this can be perplexing and quite unsettling to both partners. Decreased interest in sex may be temporary or long-term and a minority of women report that they experience a total lack of interest in or even a revulsion to sex. On the other hand, some women find that desire can return just as quickly as it disappeared. For others, identifying the cause or causes may take time and focused sleuthing. Kathryn Hall’s wonderful book, “Reclaiming Your Sexual Self: How You can Bring Desire back Into Your Life,” is a go-to resource for more detailed advice.

Medications, particularly anti-anxiety drugs like Prozac, Zoloft and other serotonin reuptake inhibitors or SSRIs, are known to decrease or even kill the elusive desire, or interest in sex. On top of this, lower testosterone, the key promoter of desire in both women and men, can cause interest in sex to plummet.

If you are taking SSRIs or other drugs, ask your doctor to review all of your medications and discontinue any that are not essential. For certain pills taking a “drug holiday” on weekends or for a few days during a vacation, can be helpful if your doctor approves. Reliable research indicates that the SSRI citalopram (Celexa) has a lower negative impact on desire, so switching to it may be an option. If you have a partner, it’s important to talk about lower sexual interest so that he or she does not feel that sexual coolness is personal.

Preventing Dreaded Leaks
Regardless of age, a sudden loss of urine, especially during sex—even when desire is hot—can make you want to avoid it altogether. But, again, there are solutions. The gold-standard for incontinence treatment, pelvic floor muscle exercises, commonly known as “Kegel exercises”, named after Dr. Arnold Kegel, whose research popularized them in the 1950s. Doing these exercises several times a day over a few weeks, followed by maintenance every few days, may be all that is needed to check surprise leaks. “It’s a common myth is that Kegels don’t work. They do, especially for mild to moderate urine loss,” says Dr. Suzanne Frye, a New York City urologist. “A lot of women think they don’t work because they are actually doing them incorrectly, pushing the vaginal muscles out instead of contracting them,” she says. Vaginal continence muscles are the same ones that we use to stop the flow of urine.

News flash: the huge plus of well-toned genital muscles is the possibility of having more intense orgasms! If doing Kegels on your own does not improve continence, a biofeedback program provided by a physical therapist who is trained to treat pelvic floor dysfunction can be very effective in strengthening continence muscles and monitoring progress. (Sometimes biofeedback is covered by insurance.) Biofeedback can be combined with bladder retraining, which helps you hold urine comfortably for longer periods of time. In addition, several medications are available to control overactive bladders. Surgery to reposition the bladder is also an option, but may not be a permanent fix; for some women, leakage, compounded by urgency, may return within a year or two.

Stress: Another Thief of Desire
“Stress, either chronic or episodic, can have a serious impact on a relationship,” says Dr. Kathryn Harris, a therapist and author of Reclaiming Your Sexual Self: How You Can Bring Desire Back Into Your Life. She notes that “Relationship issues are beyond hormonal and can involve depression, anger, power and control, emotional distance or closeness, the need for personal space and a host of other concerns. “In the face of these problems, or if your partner wants to have sex more often than you do, then sex can become a chore,” Dr. Harris notes. A key question to ask yourself is “Why do I want to have sex?” And the answer may involve what is going on—or not going on—in your relationship and how you feel about yourself. “The sense that your partner needs sex may seem like just another demand,” Dr. Harris observes. “Women want to be desired, and are very responsive to those cues.”

Beyond Hysterectomy
The changes that occur with menopause typically occur gradually and can be addressed as they become a problem. But after hysterectomy if the ovaries are removed, the changes often occur suddenly and sometimes intensely, but can usually be managed with hormone replacement therapy. As with menopause, sexual issues associated with hysterectomy may include vaginal dryness, reduced or lost sexual desire, noticeable changes in time to orgasm, less intense orgasms, loss of the ability to have multiple orgasms, and incontinence. If sex is a priority for you, a proactive approach can solve or certainly temper these problems. Regardless of the cause, the solutions for vaginal dryness, reduced desire, changes in sexual response, and urinary leakage noted are the same as for natural menopause.

Strategies for Staying Sexual
In addition to the techniques suggested here, many women use a variety of self-help solutions to enhance their interest in, and comfort during, sex. If intercourse is painful and/or male partners don’t get erections readily—a common enough occurrence in men after age 40—consider taking the focus of sex off of intercourse and indulge in the much-heralded pleasures of outercourse, which includes every sexual activity except penis-in-vagina sex. Truth be known: heightened pleasure and orgasm are often more intense for women and for men through extended sexual stimulation that postpones or avoids intercourse. If orgasm isn’t as reliable as before, why not make pleasure the goal of sex rather than orgasm? In any event, as sex therapist JoAnn Loulan asserts, sex should begin with willingness and end with pleasure, with or without orgasm as the ultimate goal. It’s the brain, anyway that’s the chief sex organ, not the genitals, so starting there should be key to sexual enhancement. Many couples report that rewarding sex can be as simple as cuddling, trading sensual massages, sharing fantasies, genital stroking, or watching or reading erotica alone or together. If the genitals respond to such activities, whether or not they are touched, it’s still sex!

Many sex therapists recommend the use of filmed or written erotica as a reliable route to enhancing desire, and erotic material is now readily available for every taste and interest. Dr. Harris recommends watching European films and erotica because “American actresses have so much plastic surgery that we losing realistic role models. It’s refreshing to see a few lumps and wrinkles that give women’s faces depth and character.”

In addition, there is a wealth of sexuality self-help material in books, magazines, and on the Internet. My personal favorites are sexual techniques based on the ancient Asian traditions of Tantra and Tao, which take the focus off of the genitals and use ritual, extended sex play and full-body sexual stimulation to create more intense sexual response. Books and workshops by Margot Anand are particularly popular. Barbara Carrellas recent book, Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-first Century, updates these ideas brilliantly. If you have serious disability issues, there are several excellent books on sex and disability, especially The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain, and Illness. By Miriam Kaufman, Corey Silverberg and Fran Odette.

Self-pleasure Is It’s Own—Ecstatic—Reward
Masturbation isn’t just a crutch to use in place of partner sex. It is a self-affirming sexual activity and is enormously useful in helping to discover different routes to sexual pleasure. Up to 40 percent of women report that they masturbate on a regular basis, but this incidence may be lower for older women who may remember being discouraged—or even punished—for masturbating as children, and are still be reluctant to engage in this pleasurable sexual activity. And BTW: Ultrasound images have captured male and female fetuses masturbating in the uterus! These images confirm that masturbation is an innate and entirely normal part of sex!
Safer Sex: The explicit truth is: regardless of age, in partner sex, we are all at some risk for contracting a sexually transmitted infection (STI), including HIV/AIDS. In fact, one in ten people diagnosed with AIDS in the U.S. is over the age of 50 (although transmission rates are much lower among lesbians than among gay men and heterosexuals). Discuss a new partner’s sexual history, keep condoms handy, and don’t take any risks. Outercourse, as described above, greatly reduces the risk of STIs, without reducing pleasure.
Search and Be Rewarded
Websites devoted to sex and aging provide information on every conceivable topic. Sex diva Betty Dodson, a very youthful 80, is celebrating 40 years of helping women explore and enhance their sexuality. Recently, Dodson teamed up with the dynamic Carlin Ross to build a new interactive website that provides resources on a wide array of topics (see: www.dodsonandross.com). Dodson also appears in Still Doing It: The Intimate Lives of Women Over Sixty, a film and book of the same title by Deirdre Fishel and Diana Holtzberg (see: http://www.stilldoingit.com/ index.html).

News Flash! Sex Boutiques That Cater to Women
Incorporating sex toys, especially vibrators, into masturbation or partner sex can be extremely helpful in breaking out of boring sexual routines. The good news is that there are now many bright and engaging sexuality boutiques that cater to women. Generally these are available in large cities, but all have extensive online and printed catalogs to enable shopping in the privacy of one’s own home. For a start, Eve’s Garden, Babeland and Good Vibrations. have especially wide selections. If it’s out there, they have it! And so can you!

Problem Cases? Sex Therapists to the Rescue
If you’ve tried everything and are still in the sexual doldrums, don’t give up! Consider seeing a sex therapist who can help you sort through feelings about sexual difficulties, issues with a partner, or medical conditions that impact on sex, and can make additional suggestions about how to cope with any problems you may have. If you don’t have a direct and reliable recommendation, the best way to find a trained sex therapist in your area is to go to the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists’ website (www.aasect.org).

Sex Is Too Precious to Waste
Sorting out sexual issues can be a daunting proposition, and many of us might prefer to sweep them under the carpet and read a book, finish a report, rake the yard, or paint the bathroom — anything that doesn’t cause such anxiety and frustration. But clearly solutions are available — so be proactive! Sexuality and sexual expression are among life’s greatest gifts, and are ours to explore, tweak, enhance, and enjoy, on any level that is possible and comfortable. Sex is just too precious to waste. Whether you are solo or with a partner, good sex — by your personal definition — can enhance health, affection, love and self-esteem—and they are not just the province of the young and agile!

From the Blog of Betty Dodson, Ph.D.
One evening I announced to several friends that I’d been making an effort to claim my intellectual property to establish my place in history. One academic friend smiled and said, “That’s like trying to hold onto a pile of money in the middle of a busy intersection.” Although I laughed at the time, I now realize how accurate his analogy was. Still, I continue to dash into the intersection to declare another accomplishment that I’m proud to claim.

This latest project began in earnest after I read Rachael Maines delightful book, The Technology of Orgasm: “Hysteria,” the Vibrator and Women’s Sexual Satisfaction. When she stated that sixties feminists brought back the electric vibrator, I immediately emailed her, and in no uncertain terms, I told her that I was the feminist who brought the vibrator back! The sixties and seventies feminists that I knew were dedicated to having sex within a loving meaningful relationship. Even lesbian separatists were NOT interested in having sex with a machine! All of that changed very, very gradually over the years.

According to Rachael’s research, vibrators disappeared once they showed up in the blue movies of the twenties. From then on, men used them exclusively to vibrate their scalps to keep from going bald. Wouldn’t you know the “good old boys” would be vibrating the wrong end?

In 1966, I was introduced to an electric vibrator by my current lover Grant Taylor. One day he was getting a hair cut when his barber ended with a scalp massage using a vibrating machine that was strapped onto the back of his hand. Grant got the bright idea that it would be great for sex. That same day, he went to a Barbershop Supply store and bought one. This model looked like a miniature cement mixer with metal coils that held the machine onto the back of his hand and left his fingers to do the vibrating.

On our next date, Grant brought out his new toy for us to try. Although I wasn’t all that crazy about getting off on a mechanical device, my motto is to always try everything at least once- sometimes twice- before crossing it off my list. He began at my breasts and as he slowly moved down my body, my heart began to race. I gasped when his fingers made contact with my clitoris and in moments, the orgasm I had was so powerful I was terrified! It was just too much of a good thing! Wilhelm Reich called this phenomenon “pleasure anxiety.” Fortunately, I was able to rationalize that since his fingers were touching me, it was still skin on skin- so it was probably okay to use the vibrator from time to time.

Meanwhile, Grant was thrilled. Often his tongue, fingers or penis would get tired trying to satisfy my voracious appetite for more orgasms. This was due to a seven year sexual starvation diet when I was married to a premature ejaculator. Even sneaky guilt-ridden marital masturbation was never that satisfying, so once I had a potent lover, I constantly wanted sex and more sex.

Not long after that, I inherited a scalp massager that was a gun shaped black machine that came in a box surrounded by little red rubber attachments that were all meant to stimulate a man’s scalp to prevent baldness. Naturally it ended up on my clitoris one night. Whoa! It was way too intense and my orgasm came much too fast. The scalp massager got put on the top shelf in a closet. But I continued to enjoy the Oster hand vibrator strapped onto his hand or mine now that I had one of my own. The woman’s version had a white plastic casing that covered the motor making it more visually appealing. I’m sure there were other couples who discovered that scalp massagers were good for sex, but I was the only one who openly promoted vibrators for sex and took them into the market place.

After my first successful exhibition in ‘68 of heterosexual lovers in NYC, the second show was to be held in 1970. Six months before the opening, I was still struggling with what to exhibit. The obvious subject would have been threesomes and groupsex if I stayed with my own sexual growth. However I was feeling conflicted at sex parties as I became more aware of how many women were faking orgasms to please men and keep their partners happy.

One night after a big climax with my new Oster vibrator, I had an epiphany. The show would feature four six foot over life-size classically drawn nudes all masturbating to orgasm- two women and two men. One woman would be looking at porn and the other one using the Oster scalp massager. It made sense that erotic material and a vibrator would create a more level playing field for women’s orgasms. The drawing of the woman using the vibrator both intrigued and threatened people. Men felt competitive and women were afraid they would get addicted if they ever used one. My vibrating nude was reproduced in Playboy, Penthouse and Forum Magazine, perhaps to further scare some men and offer hope to others.

At the beginning of seventies, a new wand-type vibrator appeared- the Panabrator by Panasonic. Although it was sold as a body massager, it was fabulous for orgasms. It even had a dial on the end of the handle that went from low to high. The Oster model left my hand vibrating for quite a while after using it, but this new one with its long handle eliminated that. Instantly all my friends were introduced to my latest toy and each one agreed that Mr. Panabrator was love at first buzz.

Happily I incorporated the vibrator into my group sex parties that were flourishing at the time. The heart of the seventies sexual revolution was middle class couples having fun at sex parties. This lifestyle had only been available to the wealthy upper class. Once I introduced the Panabrator, I saw a pattern emerge. At the end of evening, men ended up in the living room discussing sports and the stock market while women stayed in the bedroom playing with the three electric vibrators I had plugged in. Occasionally a guy would drop in to watch. Meanwhile, women agreed unanimously that the vibrator was truly a heavenly machine sent to us by the sexual priestesses and sacred prostitutes from the temples of antiquity. It appeared that women were bottomless pits of orgasmic energy. It was men who were limited to one or two ejaculations which held female sexuality in check. With a vibrator between our legs, it seemed we could go on for hours with a few breaks in-between.

In 1972, I began running masturbation workshops for feminists. It was my intention to introduce electric vibrators to women, and in the process, transform the women’s movement into a tidal wave of orgasmic activists who would change the world. I reasoned that if women weren’t having orgasms, we’d end up being as authoritarian as men once we got into power. That turned out to be absolutely true when I discovered that “Mother always knows best.”

That same year, Ms. Magazine asked me to write an article on female masturbation. Yea! I was thrilled! This was one of my earliest efforts at writing and it felt like each word had been carved in stone. Grant was my editor which confused me. As an artist, I’d never let anyone paint on one of my canvases, so editing felt like cheating. He explained that all writers had editors, but it would take time before I could accept that notion. After I turned in the article, Ms. decided to hold off on publishing it for fear of losing subscriptions. That’s when I began circulating the first one thousand mimeographed copies of my feminist manifesto titled, Liberating Masturbation. The drawing I did for the inside page showed a woman coming with a Panabrator just above her clitoris at the top of a carefully drawn vulva.

In the spring of 1973, Dell Williams was one of the organizers for NOW’s first big sex conference scheduled for June of that year. A feisty out going women, Dell insisted I get involved to discuss the importance of women’s masturbation. We had shared a room at a growth center and discovered we were both Wilhelm Reich enthusiasts. By then, I’d been using electric vibrators in my workshops and was wildly excited by the orgasmic success so I agreed to run a workshop on masturbation. I also wanted to show slides of vulvas to heal women’s genital shame. After I shared my story of how I thought I was genitally deformed until the age of 35 due to my long inner lips, the planning committee approved.

My workshop on women’s masturbation spilled out into the hallway. I introduced two electric vibrators, the Panabrator and the Prelude and sold several dozen of both. The Prelude was the first vibrator that was sold as a sexual aid distributed by Tex Williams. When we first met, Tex wanted us to go into business and be his spokesperson emphasizing we’d make millions. I’d shown him the Oster and my old gun shaped Wahl vibrator scalp massager and explained both of their short comings. I said the Panasonic was by far superior machine but the Japanese weren’t interested and neither was Oster. The Wahl Company ended up manufacturing his Prelude. He did make a small fortune but I never regretted turning down his offer because his vibrator heated up after fifteen minutes. In the masturbation workshops, we often went for an hour or more. In order to continue using a Prelude, women had to hold it with a potholder. But it was nearly silent and that appealed to so many women who were overly concerned about getting caught having sex with a machine.

At that time, I was buying dozens of Panabrators in Macy’s small appliance department for the workshops held in my apartment. It was the best vibrator that could safely be used for longer lengths of time. Once a salesman asked what I was going to do with all those electric massagers. When I said I was teaching women how to use them for sex, he turned bright red. I laughed and told him that blushing was the repression of pleasure. Always one with a smart answer- I wasn’t not smart enough to figure out how to buy vibrators wholesale.

In August of 1974, Ms. Magazine ran my article on female masturbation which led to publishing my first little 80 page book, Liberating Masturbation: a Meditation on Selflove. That article put me in business as an independent publisher. By October of that same year, 5,000 copies of the book went out in the mail. I knew the demand for electric vibrators would rapidly increase so I urged Dell to set up a mail order business to sell the Panabrator and Prelude along with my book. She had been an advertising executive with all the necessary skills to write brochures and promotional copy. While she wanted me to go into business with her, I explained we were already partnered; I was teaching women how to harness all that energy for orgasms and she would furnish the vibrators.

That year Dell Williams, the founder of Eve’s Garden set up a mail order business to sell vibrators and my book in her apartment on 57th street. As the orders continued to increase, Dell rented space in the office building next to her apartment, still on 57th Street. Recently there was a debate as to who opened the first sex shop for women; Dell in New York or Joani Blank in San Francisco. I think we can all agree that Eve’s Garden was the first, even though it was in an office building. Although Dell claims Eve’s Garden opened in 1974, I think that refers to her mail order business. As sales increased, she rented office space in the building next to her apartment still on 57th Street in 1975. Joani opened Good Vibrations in San Francisco in 1977. It was the first ground level store where women could walk in off the street. By then, Dell had sold a lot of vibrators via mail and direct sales from her showroom while I continued to teach women how to use them for sex.

In the 80’s, Eve’s Garden temporarily restricted men to be accompanied by a woman. This was a decade when America went on a witch hunt where every man was suspicious or guilty of sexual abuse. This gave rise to America’s abuse industry along with anti-sex feminists and WAP (Women against Pornography). This splintered feminism due to all the infighting. It was a heyday for feminist prudes who were angry at men and sex. Thanks to the CIA, or some other hidden branch of government, women were divided and conquered by the first cultural war aimed at censoring pornography. Feminism got into bed with President Reagan’s Moral Majority which gave rise to the Christian Right and we haven’t recovered since- which brings the women’s movement full circle. For fear of offending someone according to conservative academic feminists or ageing feminist authors who never found Mr. Right, the women’s movement has never dealt with what liberated sex would look like other than serial monogamy.

Women need to explore what’s missing in our feminist dialogue about our sexual pleasure today. While we agree that FGM is a horrendous procedure in Muslim countries, we are blind to the fact that American women have been psychologically genitally mutilated. Few have ever seen their own genitals. If and when they do look, they’re convinced something is terribly wrong. Young women today are opting for surgery to remove inner labia that extends beyond their outer labia. This is erectile tissue so they are affectively genitally mutilating themselves like mothers who allow their baby to be circumcised- a form of male genital mutilation.

In 1998, I introduced my online Genital Art Gallery that showed hundreds of different male and female sex organs. Each image had a comment about how a person first discovered masturbation. It became my pet research project. Last year this valuable information was censored due to the brutal 2257 law that is now being debated in court as unconstitutional. The government claims this law is to protect minors, but in truth it’s simply harassment aimed at the Adult Industry with no allowances made for imagery used in adult sex education. I must now have a photo ID from each contributor. The whole idea behind the Genital Art Gallery was anonymity which allowed people to share pictures of their sex organs without fear of repercussion from conservative religious employers, neighbors or spouses. Thanks to organized religions, the fig leaf just won’t go away. I look forward to the day when my Genital Art Gallery is posted again so people will know their sex organs are well within a range of normal and quite beautiful.

Today, dodsonandross continues to challenge the current ideas of how women experience sexual pleasure that’s still primarily based upon vaginal intercourse to male orgasm. We also believe it’s time to stop making such a big fuss over all the recent new “hot spots’ inside the birth canal just to drum up sales for more sex toys. Originally the authors of the G-spot book were interested in helping women to feel okay about emitting fluid during orgasm. These women thought they were wetting the bed and blocked their orgasm due to extreme embarrassment. Now some women are actually peeing as they bear down to “ejaculate” to please an overly eager partner. The G spot puts pressure on women to learn how to respond to vaginal stimulation and now we have “squirting” to add to our list. Not all of us can do this nor do we want to learn how.

More importantly, the emphasis on vaginal hot spots allows men to continue to believe the penis is the source of women’s pleasure and the vagina is a woman’s primary sex organ. Yes, we know that some women do orgasm from vaginal stimulation, yet the majority of women respond to a more direct form of clitoral stimulation. Why should a few dominate the response of many? Did it start with Freud’s idea of the immature clitoral orgasm? Most women I know want both vaginal penetration (penis, finger or dildo) along with clitoral stimulation, so why is this such a big deal?

It’s a big deal because all male dominated cultures fear the clitoris! Muslims remove it surgically and Americans remove it psychologically. We continue to refer to our sex organ as a “vagina” and the word “clitoris” is rarely spoken in films, on television or in the media. By never mentioning the clitoris, we keep it hidden. Ayaan Hirsi Ali, the author of Infidel who suffered FGM and is currently speaking out against this horrible practice sums up one of the biggest feminist and humanist issue quite clearly: “Without sexual freedom there can be no self.”

In 1999, Rachael Maines book, The Technology of Orgasm: “Hysteria, the Vibrator, and Women’s Sexual Satisfaction opened my eyes to the history of the electric vibrator. The first vibrator was actually invented in the late 1880’s by a doctor to speed up the number of women patients he could see in a day. The dominant view of sexuality was vaginal penetration to male orgasm that consistently failed to produce orgasm in a majority of women at a time when masturbation was discouraged or outright forbidden.

“From the time of Hippocrates until the 1920’s, massaging “hysterical” female patients to orgasm was a staple of medical practice among Western physicians. Hysteria, an ailment that was considered common and chronic in women, was thought to be the consequence of sexual deprivation. Doctors preformed the “routine chore” of relieving hysterical patients’ symptoms with manual genital massage until the woman reached orgasm, or as it was known under clinical conditions the “hysterical paroxysm.”

In a sense, I’d been doing work similar to these Victorian doctors, except I was teaching women how to use the vibrator for themselves. That way they controlled their own orgasms. It’s my belief that the thousands of women who took my Bodysex workshops or read my books went on to share this information in many different ways. Some became teachers, therapists or writers and their children grew up knowing masturbation was desirable. I believe these women are at the heart of women’s sexual liberation, so I never walked alone.

In 2007, two film makers Wendy and Emiko were working on documentary based on Rachael’s book titled a Passion and Power. We met at Dell’s book signing party, Revolution in the Garden: a Memoir by the Garden keeper written by Lynn Vannucci. By then Dell’s memory was failing and she honored Becky Chalker who wrote The Clitoral Truth. Dell managed to leave out the part I played in supporting her to go into business including my book Liberating Masturbation that also introduced vibrators. Although I know and love Becky and her book, I was furious with Dell. I told the film makers I would appear in their doc if only to set the record straight. I also got to know Rachael and her comment in the documentary credits me as the feminist who brought back the electric vibrator. Mission accomplished.

I’ve since forgiven Dell. Recently I had my sexual memoir book release party (May 2010) and I made it a point to acknowledge Dell who is now 87 and very frail. We stood next to the poster we created for NOW’s first sex conference for photo ops. The poster I did was rejected by NOW because they thought my Vitruvian woman was too masculine and without pubic hair she appeared to have male genitalia. I knew then as I know now, the women’s movement will never embrace me. I’ll just take my place alongside Victoria Woodhull who called sex for pleasure “free love.” She was also largely ignored by her sister Suffragettes and is gradually being dropped from the history of those first brave women who got us the vote.

Now that we have the internet I am able to bypass most censorship from all those sex fearing women and men. I intend to succeed at establishing myself as one of the feminists who insisted that the clitoris was a woman’s primary pleasure organ along with Anne Koedt and Shere Hite. As a feminist, I stand alone when it comes to the amount of effort I’ve put forth to gain full acceptance of masturbation as a healthy activity for children and adults- and I claim my place in history as the woman who re-introduced the electric vibrator. Now I’m working on ending the war between the sexes so I can receive the Nobel Peace Prize. Oh yes, I almost forgot. I am also an accomplished artist of the classical nude which was my very first true love.

Taught by Deborah Sundahl

September 24-26, 2010
Palm Coast, Florida

Is the G-spot’s location still evading you? Or are you trying to ejaculate, but it is not working all the time, or at all? Here is your opportunity to break through that obstacle, and start to experience this lovely feminine fountain consistently in your love life!

You are invited to join a small, supportive and lovely group of women at an amazing retreat house on the beach in Florida for three days of self discovery about your G-spot, and joyful learning about how to get your feminine fountain flowing! We will spend time on the G-spot: seeing it, feeling it, and then getting a good idea of its orgasmic sensation and potential. If that isn’t enough, most women experience an awakening about what their sexual obstacles are. This is valuable knowledge to take home; one that will open up your sexuality to a new level.

If this sounds like what you are looking for, then come on! Let’s get to work! (and frolick on the beach, too!) Simply e-mail Deborah at deborah@isismedia.org. Visit www.isismedia.org for details about the workshop, cost and deadline for registration.

Remember, groups are for support. All work that you do on your body is for your eyes only. Your privacy and comfort are paramount. Learning from the other women’s experiences – and getting their support as the weekend unfolds – adds two-fold to your learning experience. Having their on-going support and friendship once you leave the group space adds even more.

This workshop is a special time that you will treasure. The opportunity to take home new skills to enhance your love life with yourself and/or with your partner is rare, unique and very useful experience.

Also for Couples: The four day Feminine Fountain™ Experience for Couples is scheduled in Santa Fe over Labor Day weekend September 3-6. See details about the workshop here.

Deborah Sundahl is the leading expert on female ejaculation. Author of the book, Female Ejaculation and the G-spot, she has taught thousands of women how to awaken their G-spot and Feminine Fountain™.

Can’t attend?
You can buy the video Female Ejaculation: The Workshop or Deborah Sundahl’s book, Female Ejaculation and the G-spot right here at Eve’s Garden.

Until then, let it flow!
SPONSORED BY LOTUS WORKSHOP

For 36 years I have surrounded myself and Eve’’s Garden with doctors, therapists, authors and women who care about the health, sexual wellbeing and rights of women. You can see that is true by all of the wonderful women that have commented on my book, Revolution in the Garden: Memoirs of the Gardenkeeper.

I am pleased to announce that we are now affiliated with many of these women through our web site and our blog. You can see a video of interviews made at Eve’’s Garden by Dr. Patricia Conrad and Dr. Barbara Bartlik on YouTube.

There are so many women doing such wonderful work these days that I would like recognize a few of them today as well as in future Garden Views. Christiane Northrup, MD was honored with the 2010 Visionary Award and Barbara Dossey PhD, RN was presented presented with this year’s Leadership Award at the 2010 Integrative Healthcare Symposium.

The Symposium directors had this to say about Dr. Northrup, “Christiane Northrup, MD is a noted author and visionary, is recognized internationally for her approach to women’s health and wellness. Dr. Northrup is a leading proponent of medicine and healing that acknowledges the unity of the mind and body as well as the powerful role of the human spirit in creating health. Following a career as a practicing physician in obstetrics and gynecology for over 25 years, Dr. Northrup has dedicated her lifework to helping women learn how to flourish on an all levels by creating health, prosperity and pleasure in their lives.

The Visionary Award is presented to a thought leader in the field of integrative healthcare, who has moved the community forward through their leadership and vision. Dr. Northrup was presented with the 2010 Visionary Award on February 26th, by Frank Lipman, MD, the Founder and Director of Eleven Eleven Wellness Center.”

In addition to the wonderful books that Dr. Northrup has written she writes a monthly newsletter that is a must read for every women. We have set up a link on our front page to Dr. Northrup’s site where you can sign up for the Women’s Wisdom Circle.

Last month I highlighted a book written by my new friend Ellen Snortland Beauty Bites Beast: Awakening the Warrior Within Women and Girls. To get involved in the production of Ellen Snortland's documentary, Beauty Bites Beast and her fight against horrific injustices against women click here.

Rev. Dell Williams
Founder

If you’re in the Boston area, join Alisa THIS FRIDAY April 9th for a VERY special workshop:

“HOT MAMA HORMONES: TURNING YOURSELF BACK ON!”
Friday, April 9 from 7-9 p.m.
In Andover, Massachusetts

Hey hot mamas – remember sex?
Remember feeling delicious and open?
Or has this become a more vague memory?

Fear not! Alisa Vitti, FLO Expert(TM) and Women’s Health Coach is here!

Alisa was just selected to be Hay House’s next Mover&Shaker. She will be speaking with Dr. Wayne Dyer, Cheryl Richardson, Dr. Christiane Northrup among others at the November “I Can Do It” Conference in Tampa.

Karen Salmansohn dubs Alisa as “The Vagina Whisperer” in the Huffington Post.

In this workshop, Alisa will share with you:

• what’s happening in your body and with your hormones that have left you breezeless on your sailboat
• what foods and supplements to get your libido revved back up, beat chronic fatigue, bust hormonal challenges, and restore your youthful energy!
• how to let go of the emotional blocks that are keeping you from expressing yourself sexually more authentically and fully
• her 10-part definition for “sexual self-expression”
• the science of turn-on and how to turn yourself on, even at the grocery store! (it is ABSOLUTELY NOT what you think!)

You should attend this workshop if…

• you have suffered with PMS, Post Partum Depression, PCOS, Fibroids, Thyroid Issues, Adrenal/Chronic Fatigue, Perimenopausal symptoms, lost libido
• you want a bigger, more fun, more mature, more woman-centered working definition of sexuality
• you’ve been thinking that putting your own pleasure back on your list will allow you to have more fun, more love, and better sex – then of course – get your butt in the chair!

We’re going to put all of the focus on YOU darling! The connection that your physical and emotional health has on your libido, how to start enjoying yourself more and how you can start to observe this enjoyment changing everyone and everything around you!

Save your spot now and share this message with all your Massachusetts Mamas!!

When: Friday, April 9 from 7-9 p.m.
Where: Seven Levels Coaching, 16 Haverhill Street, 3rd floor, Andover, MA 01810
Cost: $20
How to reserve your space: please send an email to holisticmomsnetwork@gmail.com and indicate how many people will be attending with you (include all names please)

About Alisa

Alisa Vitti, HHC, AADP (Holistic Health Counselor, American Association of Drugless Practitioners) founded Laughing Sage Wellness Center 9 years ago after experiencing the many frustrating health symptoms of polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), and then healing herself through food and lifestyle changes. She received degrees from Johns Hopkins University and the Institute of Integrative Nutrition, where she fine-tuned her unique approach to helping women naturally correct hormonal imbalances using medicinal foods.

She specializes in the areas of reproductive and hormonal health and creating real intimacy in relationships. A transformational speaker, she debunks myths around women’s chronic gynecological issues and inspires women to have better health and better sex through her five-step proprietary nutritional and lifestyle protocol. Her protocol is now the subject of a clinical study in conjunction with a research physician from Columbia University. Alisa has spoken at numerous colleges, workshops, corporations, and women’s organizations. Her work has been featured in the Huffington Post, Fox Business News, Life & Style, Vital Juice Daily, and Greenstone Media Radio. She is currently writing her first book due out in 2011.

About Laughing Sage Wellness Center

An Evolution in Women’s Healthcare

Our mission is to debunk myths around women’s chronic gynecological issues and to teach women how to have better health and better se x through our five-step proprietary nutritional and lifestyle protocol. We believe that women deserve to know there is another option besides drugs, surgery or “come back in six months for another check up.”

Since 2001, our center has worked with thousands of women in four continents, helping them regain their hormonal balance, get pregnant naturally, lose weight, clear skin, heal cystic ovaries, eliminate PMS, heal fibroids, regulate periods, and have healthy libido after menopause. More than that, we help women live their best and most powerful lives with health as their foundation.

In case you missed it, (or you just want to watch it again) you can see the video of Mama Gena on the Rachael Ray Show, taking three women out for a FUN night of flirting, by clicking here. You're gonna LOVE their reaction when Gena gives them her #1 flirting tip!

Darlings,

I am so excited!!
I am appearing on the Rachael Ray Show this Tuesday, March 30th!
(Check out her website for showtimes in your area.)

I had so much fun taping this segment. I took three women out on the town for a night of flirtation. You won’t believe what happened. . .
And can I just say- Rachael Ray is BEYOND adorable!

I’d love for you to tune in!

With so much love and pleasure,

Mama Gena

Phone: (212) 787 2411 x1
Web: www.mamagenas.com
Email: thepleasureteam@mamagenas.com

Beauty Bites the Beast: Awakening the Warrior Within Women and Girls is a wonderful book by Ellen Snortland, a very talented woman who I have met recently and come to appreciate because of her grasp of the fight that women of my generation started years ago. For more information about her book and to join the fight against violence against women go to www.snortland.com. Below are some comments from people that I think will interest all of our customers, men and women alike… Dell Williams

“Why are females of other specis as fiece in self-defense as males – except for humans? Ellen Snortland takes on the politics of learned helplessness, and clears a path back to natural female strength. Any woman who feels defenseless – physically or verbally – will be helped by Beauty Bites Beast.”… Gloria Steinum

“Beauty Bites Beast is energizing, unnerving, exhilarating and infuriating. It is a riveting and compelling look at an urgent and timely topic. This is a brave book. Snortland’s confidence is contagious.”… Kathryn Gravdal, Graduate Director, Institute for Research on Women and Gender, Columbia University

“Beauty Bites Beast is an incendiary book. It will light a flame of self-respect in reader after reader. Ellen Snortland’s passionate and affable voice takes the notion of self-defence to a whole new dimension. And I believe she’s got it absolutely right. Because only as each becomes strong will all be safe–and waiting for male predators and perpetrators to mend their ways is a fool’s game.”… John Stoltenberg, Author of Refusing to be a Man and The End of Manhood: A Book for Men of Conscience

” I recommend that every man read Beauty Bites Beast . Entertaining and accessible, it clarifies what girls and women face when confronting the threat of violence, and offers practical methods for avoiding or defending against it. Professionally, I spent 28 years with the Los Angeles Police Department and was the commanding Officer of Detective Headquarters for many years. Personally, I’ve spent thirty-five years as a husband and the father of two grown daughers. This is a must-read for any man who wants to help end violence against women.”… Captain Robert Martin (LAPD Ret.)

“In this highly readable book, Ellen Snortland provides a practical, sensible, and timely survival manual for females of all ages. May the day come soon when such a book no longer will be needed. But until then, this fine training guide can help countless women protect themselves.”… Gail Berendzen, President
Women of Washington

“Beauty Bites Beast is not a “how-to” book. It is a “how-come” book that every woman and girl needs “how-to” defend themselves. They like all the females of other species in the world, are capable of defending themselves and their loved ones-if they learn how. It is not the female’s size, it is her culturally induced ignorance that makes her think she is helpless. Beauty Bites the Beast is a clarion call to “sleeping beauties” to wake up and take charge of their own self-defense-both verbal and physical-and celebrates women (and kids) who fought back. Funny and provocative, this is an irreverent, but deadly serious look at how family, religion, history, news and entertainm,ent keep women thinking they are defenseless. Beauty Bites Beast changes and saves lives. Ellen Snortland’s passion to empower women comes through every page of this book. It is really an eye opener”… Patricia Irerland, President, National Organization for Women

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Suzann Panek Robins is a dear friend who has completed a major contribution to the synthesis of Eastern Philosophy and Western Psychology in her new book Exploring Intimacy: Cultivating Healthy Relationships through Insight and Intuition.

In this short book, she provides engaging, easy-to-access starting points for deepening understanding and connection in all levels of relationships. Exploring into-me-see is a powerful teaching tool for ways we can learn to understand our choices and how best to shift our thoughts and actions for clear communication and positive growth. As we have learned from Human Awareness Instititute (HAI) workshops, Suzann encourages us to ask for 100% of what we want 100% of the time, being willing to hear NO for an answer and to negotiate from there.

The roles we play as men and women are changing. We have more choices than previous generations. Robins breaks down the meaning and function of the libido, Emotional and Social IQ, and how learned patterns from family and cultural conditioning affect the way we are able to love ourselves and others. She outlines the history of the women’s movement and the sexual revolution of the past 70 years.

Suzann teaches “Stop, Look, and Listen” techniques of mindfulness, focusing, meditation, and creative visualization as ways to clear past pain, allowing real intimacy to blossom. This book contains great illustrations to enhance how we pay attention and communicate our visions. You will hold in your hands secrets to health, greater relationships, and overall well-being. Her style is accessible, and the information and exercises provided are relevant to experts, educators, and the newly-interested alike.

Suzann Panek Robins is available as a professional speaker and workshop leader as well as a counselor specializing in personal growth and relationships, anger management, emotions, energy work, and related areas. She teaches at the University of Northern Colorado.

Dell Williams
Founder, Eve’s Garden

At a conference on sexuality education in Sweden on November 26, 2009 Dell Williams, the founder of Eve’s Garden, told the story of how she decided to start the first-ever feminist sexuality boutique. The three-day program over Thanksgiving included feminist professors and young scholars from Scandinavia, Europe, Africa and the U.S.

Nina Lykke, Professor of Gender Studies at Linkoping University and conference director, is writing a book on feminist sexuality boutiques in Europe and thought it was important for Dell to talk about founding the Garden to underline the differences between the feminist model and mainstream sex toy shops.

In her presentation Lykke pointed out how shops founded on the Eve’s Garden model differ from mainstream shops that present themselves as merely “women-friendly.“ The mainstream shops include products that appeal to women but not much more. “Shops like Eve’s Garden broadcast a pro-sex feminist message which implies that they focus on an ethical, sustainable, and pleasure-seeking model and on the empowerment of women,“ Lykke said. “The feminist shops have also incorporated a key element of sex-education into sales. The staff is trained to answer questions about what different products are for, which ones fulfill a specific need, and how to use them to maximize pleasure. The safe-sex message is always incorporated, and they strive to recognize diversity in individuals’ sexual values and practices.“

Lykke also talked about the cross-over influence of the feminist shops, noting that the state-owned pharmacy in Sweden has begun selling a series of sexual products called “Trust in Lust” manly focused on women and women’s sexual health. Information on this conference and future events can be found at www.genderexcel.org.

Dell told the group about taking Betty Dodson’s BodySex workshop in 1970—in the nude! Women shared their sexual frustrations, practiced masturbating together (!), something most women still aren’t comfortable doing (that’s just a guy thing, right?), and how a vibrator can be used to enhance pleasure and orgasm.

The idea for a feminist sex shop accidentally started at Macy’s, New York City’s famed shopping emporium. “After taking Betty’s workshop, I decided I wanted a vibrator, and Betty had told me that Macy’s had them,“ Dell said. “So I went, and asked the man at the Information Desk where they were. He asked me what I wanted it for, and I almost fainted. I mumbled something like ‘My neck has been giving me a fit lately,’ and he told me to go upstairs to the back of the store to the small appliance department.“ In the 1970s, vibrators were marketed as muscle relaxers, not as orgasm enhancers!

“When I got to the counter the vibrators were all lined up and plugged in, so I picked one up and turned it on. Wow! It almost buzzed out of my hand and the customers nearby were staring at me.“ Dell bought the Hitachi Magic Wand, which remains her favorite vibrator today, and the rest is a part of the history of feminist sexuality activism. The full story of the founding of Eve’s Garden can be found in Dell’s autobiography, Revolution in the Garden: Memiors of the Gardenkeeepr which is available from www.evesgarden.com or from online booksellers.

Dell began her talk by quoting from the “Female Sexuality Bill of Rights,” that begins with “the right to sexual enjoyment,” and ends with a reminder to “respect the sexuality of the elderly and disabled.” Later, in a presentation on sex and disability, Margrit Shildrick from Queen’s University in Belfast, Northern Ireland, thanked Dell for including the sexual needs of disabled people in the mission of Eve’s Garden. “We’ve made significant progress in addressing disability issues,” Shildrick noted, “but we still have a long way to go, especially in the area of sexuality.”

Dell described how she became a feminist. “It happened in less than five minutes,“ she said. “I worked in an office on Fifth Avenue, and one day as I was standing by the water cooler I looked out of the window, and saw hundreds of women marching down Fifth Avenue. I wondered aloud who those women were, a man at the water cooler said, ‘You don’t want to associate with those women. They throw their bras in trash cans and do all of these demonstrations.’ “But I thought, ‘Oh yes I do!’ and went out and joined them.” This was the first Women’s Equality March, that took place in August, 1970.

In September of 1974, Dell started a mail-order catalog, shipping vibrators out of her kitchen, but in less than a year, she opened the Garden in an elegant office building on New York’s West 57th Street, just a stone’s throw from Carnegie Hall.

Lynn Comella, an Assistant Professor in the Women’s Studies Department at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, who is writing a book about the history and impact of sex-positive retail activism and education in the United States, also spoke at the conference. Comella pointed out that “Eve’s Garden founder Dell Williams, and Joani Blank, who founded Good Vibrations in San Francisco in 1977, revolutionized the world of sex toy retailing in the U.S. by creating what one retailer describes as the ‘alternative sex vending movement’—a retail-based model of sex education and social activism that is both a commercial enterprise and a political project.”

Eve’s Garden celebrated 35 years of service to women and their partners in 2009. To access the Eve’s Garden catalog and recent news go to www.evesgarden.com.

Rebecca Chalker was kind enough to acompany Dell on her trip to Sweden and she wrote this article for Eve’s Garden. Rebecca is the author of The Clitoral Truth and teaches a course on the cultural history of sexuality at Pace University in New York City.