Eve's Garden Views

Beauty Bites the Beast: Awakening the Warrior Within Women and Girls is a wonderful book by Ellen Snortland, a very talented woman who I have met recently and come to appreciate because of her grasp of the fight that women of my generation started years ago. For more information about her book and to join the fight against violence against women go to www.snortland.com. Below are some comments from people that I think will interest all of our customers, men and women alike… Dell Williams

“Why are females of other specis as fiece in self-defense as males – except for humans? Ellen Snortland takes on the politics of learned helplessness, and clears a path back to natural female strength. Any woman who feels defenseless – physically or verbally – will be helped by Beauty Bites Beast.”… Gloria Steinum

“Beauty Bites Beast is energizing, unnerving, exhilarating and infuriating. It is a riveting and compelling look at an urgent and timely topic. This is a brave book. Snortland’s confidence is contagious.”… Kathryn Gravdal, Graduate Director, Institute for Research on Women and Gender, Columbia University

“Beauty Bites Beast is an incendiary book. It will light a flame of self-respect in reader after reader. Ellen Snortland’s passionate and affable voice takes the notion of self-defence to a whole new dimension. And I believe she’s got it absolutely right. Because only as each becomes strong will all be safe–and waiting for male predators and perpetrators to mend their ways is a fool’s game.”… John Stoltenberg, Author of Refusing to be a Man and The End of Manhood: A Book for Men of Conscience

” I recommend that every man read Beauty Bites Beast . Entertaining and accessible, it clarifies what girls and women face when confronting the threat of violence, and offers practical methods for avoiding or defending against it. Professionally, I spent 28 years with the Los Angeles Police Department and was the commanding Officer of Detective Headquarters for many years. Personally, I’ve spent thirty-five years as a husband and the father of two grown daughers. This is a must-read for any man who wants to help end violence against women.”… Captain Robert Martin (LAPD Ret.)

“In this highly readable book, Ellen Snortland provides a practical, sensible, and timely survival manual for females of all ages. May the day come soon when such a book no longer will be needed. But until then, this fine training guide can help countless women protect themselves.”… Gail Berendzen, President
Women of Washington

“Beauty Bites Beast is not a “how-to” book. It is a “how-come” book that every woman and girl needs “how-to” defend themselves. They like all the females of other species in the world, are capable of defending themselves and their loved ones-if they learn how. It is not the female’s size, it is her culturally induced ignorance that makes her think she is helpless. Beauty Bites the Beast is a clarion call to “sleeping beauties” to wake up and take charge of their own self-defense-both verbal and physical-and celebrates women (and kids) who fought back. Funny and provocative, this is an irreverent, but deadly serious look at how family, religion, history, news and entertainm,ent keep women thinking they are defenseless. Beauty Bites Beast changes and saves lives. Ellen Snortland’s passion to empower women comes through every page of this book. It is really an eye opener”… Patricia Irerland, President, National Organization for Women

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Suzann Panek Robins is a dear friend who has completed a major contribution to the synthesis of Eastern Philosophy and Western Psychology in her new book Exploring Intimacy: Cultivating Healthy Relationships through Insight and Intuition.

In this short book, she provides engaging, easy-to-access starting points for deepening understanding and connection in all levels of relationships. Exploring into-me-see is a powerful teaching tool for ways we can learn to understand our choices and how best to shift our thoughts and actions for clear communication and positive growth. As we have learned from Human Awareness Instititute (HAI) workshops, Suzann encourages us to ask for 100% of what we want 100% of the time, being willing to hear NO for an answer and to negotiate from there.

The roles we play as men and women are changing. We have more choices than previous generations. Robins breaks down the meaning and function of the libido, Emotional and Social IQ, and how learned patterns from family and cultural conditioning affect the way we are able to love ourselves and others. She outlines the history of the women’s movement and the sexual revolution of the past 70 years.

Suzann teaches “Stop, Look, and Listen” techniques of mindfulness, focusing, meditation, and creative visualization as ways to clear past pain, allowing real intimacy to blossom. This book contains great illustrations to enhance how we pay attention and communicate our visions. You will hold in your hands secrets to health, greater relationships, and overall well-being. Her style is accessible, and the information and exercises provided are relevant to experts, educators, and the newly-interested alike.

Suzann Panek Robins is available as a professional speaker and workshop leader as well as a counselor specializing in personal growth and relationships, anger management, emotions, energy work, and related areas. She teaches at the University of Northern Colorado.

Dell Williams
Founder, Eve’s Garden

At a conference on sexuality education in Sweden on November 26, 2009 Dell Williams, the founder of Eve’s Garden, told the story of how she decided to start the first-ever feminist sexuality boutique. The three-day program over Thanksgiving included feminist professors and young scholars from Scandinavia, Europe, Africa and the U.S.

Nina Lykke, Professor of Gender Studies at Linkoping University and conference director, is writing a book on feminist sexuality boutiques in Europe and thought it was important for Dell to talk about founding the Garden to underline the differences between the feminist model and mainstream sex toy shops.

In her presentation Lykke pointed out how shops founded on the Eve’s Garden model differ from mainstream shops that present themselves as merely “women-friendly.“ The mainstream shops include products that appeal to women but not much more. “Shops like Eve’s Garden broadcast a pro-sex feminist message which implies that they focus on an ethical, sustainable, and pleasure-seeking model and on the empowerment of women,“ Lykke said. “The feminist shops have also incorporated a key element of sex-education into sales. The staff is trained to answer questions about what different products are for, which ones fulfill a specific need, and how to use them to maximize pleasure. The safe-sex message is always incorporated, and they strive to recognize diversity in individuals’ sexual values and practices.“

Lykke also talked about the cross-over influence of the feminist shops, noting that the state-owned pharmacy in Sweden has begun selling a series of sexual products called “Trust in Lust” manly focused on women and women’s sexual health. Information on this conference and future events can be found at www.genderexcel.org.

Dell told the group about taking Betty Dodson’s BodySex workshop in 1970—in the nude! Women shared their sexual frustrations, practiced masturbating together (!), something most women still aren’t comfortable doing (that’s just a guy thing, right?), and how a vibrator can be used to enhance pleasure and orgasm.

The idea for a feminist sex shop accidentally started at Macy’s, New York City’s famed shopping emporium. “After taking Betty’s workshop, I decided I wanted a vibrator, and Betty had told me that Macy’s had them,“ Dell said. “So I went, and asked the man at the Information Desk where they were. He asked me what I wanted it for, and I almost fainted. I mumbled something like ‘My neck has been giving me a fit lately,’ and he told me to go upstairs to the back of the store to the small appliance department.“ In the 1970s, vibrators were marketed as muscle relaxers, not as orgasm enhancers!

“When I got to the counter the vibrators were all lined up and plugged in, so I picked one up and turned it on. Wow! It almost buzzed out of my hand and the customers nearby were staring at me.“ Dell bought the Hitachi Magic Wand, which remains her favorite vibrator today, and the rest is a part of the history of feminist sexuality activism. The full story of the founding of Eve’s Garden can be found in Dell’s autobiography, Revolution in the Garden: Memiors of the Gardenkeeepr which is available from www.evesgarden.com or from online booksellers.

Dell began her talk by quoting from the “Female Sexuality Bill of Rights,” that begins with “the right to sexual enjoyment,” and ends with a reminder to “respect the sexuality of the elderly and disabled.” Later, in a presentation on sex and disability, Margrit Shildrick from Queen’s University in Belfast, Northern Ireland, thanked Dell for including the sexual needs of disabled people in the mission of Eve’s Garden. “We’ve made significant progress in addressing disability issues,” Shildrick noted, “but we still have a long way to go, especially in the area of sexuality.”

Dell described how she became a feminist. “It happened in less than five minutes,“ she said. “I worked in an office on Fifth Avenue, and one day as I was standing by the water cooler I looked out of the window, and saw hundreds of women marching down Fifth Avenue. I wondered aloud who those women were, a man at the water cooler said, ‘You don’t want to associate with those women. They throw their bras in trash cans and do all of these demonstrations.’ “But I thought, ‘Oh yes I do!’ and went out and joined them.” This was the first Women’s Equality March, that took place in August, 1970.

In September of 1974, Dell started a mail-order catalog, shipping vibrators out of her kitchen, but in less than a year, she opened the Garden in an elegant office building on New York’s West 57th Street, just a stone’s throw from Carnegie Hall.

Lynn Comella, an Assistant Professor in the Women’s Studies Department at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, who is writing a book about the history and impact of sex-positive retail activism and education in the United States, also spoke at the conference. Comella pointed out that “Eve’s Garden founder Dell Williams, and Joani Blank, who founded Good Vibrations in San Francisco in 1977, revolutionized the world of sex toy retailing in the U.S. by creating what one retailer describes as the ‘alternative sex vending movement’—a retail-based model of sex education and social activism that is both a commercial enterprise and a political project.”

Eve’s Garden celebrated 35 years of service to women and their partners in 2009. To access the Eve’s Garden catalog and recent news go to www.evesgarden.com.

Rebecca Chalker was kind enough to acompany Dell on her trip to Sweden and she wrote this article for Eve’s Garden. Rebecca is the author of The Clitoral Truth and teaches a course on the cultural history of sexuality at Pace University in New York City.

An “Orgasam a Day Keeps the Doctor Away” is what it says on the buttons I am taking with me to hand out at a Sexuality Conference in Sweeden. This is a phlosophy I have been preaching for many years. Even before I started Eve’s Garden I was an advocate of women’s sexual empowerment. I am delighted that we are adding to our affiliation with medical doctors as well as sex therapists. For thirty five years I have been selecting the books on our web site and in our store in Manhattan. In reading hundreds, if not thousands of books on the subject of women’s sexuality and its relationship to a woman’s overall health and well being. Sometimes I am frustrated by the obvious being overlooked by some medical doctors.

For example, the other day a friend and I attended a medical meeting on depression, which mentioned electroconvulsive therapy (ECT). In ECT, electric shocks are delivered to the brain to induce seizures, which can alleviate mental depression. Unfortunately the treatment often causes memory loss. After the lecture I stood up and suggested that having daily orgasms might be better for treating depression than ECT, noting that orgasms improve the mood without any down side. Naturally, people chuckled. However, orgasms are therapeutic for problems of the mind. My friend, Barbara Bartlik, M.D., who is a psychiatrist and sex therapist, pointed out that after orgasm the brain is bathed in healthy neurotransmitters such as serotonin, norepinephrine and dopamine. Antidepressants and ECT are effective for treating depression in much the same way.

Additionally, Barbara said, frequent sex and orgasms are associated with increased levels of testosterone and estrogen, which have antidepressant effects in and of themselves. In addition, orgasms spark the release of oxytocin, a social bonding hormone, which powerfully relieves anxiety. Other advantages conferred by orgasms are release of tension, improved sleep and better relaxation, which also help to alleviate mental depression. Moreover, orgasms are associated with the release of endorphins, the body’s own natural pain reliever, which give a euphoric feeling. So, there is a lot to be said for having frequent orgasms, and practically no down side, except, perhaps, in some cases a broken heart.

In fact, more than a century ago, doctors provided a form of “orgasm therapy” for women diagnosed as “hysterical.” It is possible that neither the doctors nor their patients knew that what they were doing had anything to do with sex, which in their eyes involved vaginal penetration exclusively. In this peculiar form of treatment, the physician massaged the woman’s clitoris with either his fingers or a rudimentary vibrator until she experienced what was then referred to as a “paroxysm.” The patient left the doctor’s office feeling happy, refreshed and, ready for a repeat session soon. This curious phenomenon was described by Rachael Mains in her excellent book, The Technology of Orgasm and subsequently in a documentary entitled,  Passion and  Power. Dell Williams and Betty Dodson are featured in the film. Both the book and a DVD of the film may be purchased through the Eve’s Garden website.

It would be wonderful if more research existed on the effect of frequent orgasms on mental health. If medical science could prove that orgasm therapy is effective, doctors would start to recommend it to their patients. Unfortunately, this is a difficult area to research from a methodological point of view since there is no placebo for an orgasm. You know when you have had one. Researchers cannot compare the way mood is affected by orgasms to the way mood is affected by a sugar pill, as they would in a controlled study. Nevertheless, you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to know that orgasms make you feel good and that they are good for your health and vitality. We can discuss this matter and other issues related to sexuality on the Eve’s Garden website. If you have any experiences that you would like to share, please click on Comments at the bottom of this article and post them on our blog.

If you are considering trying to have frequent orgasms with your partner or by yourself, there are vibrators, books, and films that you may find helpful on the Eve’s Garden website. I would love to hear from you, and hope that this column gets a lively discussion going on our new blog.

Rev. Dell Williams
Founder, Eves Garden